If you were born in India and are single, you know the pain we are discussing here. Especially if you are over 25 and single. Let alone ‘society’, your parents won’t let you be in the first place. Kangana Ranaut’s new song in the movie Simran is an apt anthem for all the singles in India who love their life as it is and don’t want anyone in their life right now. I am glad Kangana has said all the things on our behalf to all the parents in India in the song. Here are a few things from the song we would all want to tell our parents too:

Why do you pick boys like you are picking something from a shopping mall? There is no doomsday approaching that you have to have to find someone because I might die tomorrow and even if it is, so what? I am okay. I would rather wait for the right one than just pick someone randomly, whom I don’t even know.

Why do you want me to get married against my wish? I trust your choice but why can’t it be our wish instead of yours solely? It’s me who has to live with the person for all my life. Let me be the judge here, support me rather!

Don’t put the pressure of some elderly person dying on my head to justify my marriage. It hurts when you ask me to get married to someone in a hurry just because some elderly person is very ill or might die soon. I have to live and be with the guy forever, why not take our time and devote our full attention in treating the elderly person in the best way possible.

Don’t keep bothering me with, “Shaadi Kar, Shaadi Kar, Shaadi Kar!” I have other work to do, aims to achieve. Why are you putting Shaadi at a pedestal that seems so unattainable? Support me in becoming someone independent and reach my goals and most importantly give YOU the life you deserve for bringing me up so well. Marriage will happen, with the right person at the right time!
‘Happy hu main happy, happy rehne de’. Yes! I am happy. I would have been in a relationship already had I needed someone in life. Let me learn to be my own happiness. I am happy being single that is why I am single. Please let me be.

Image: YouTube/T-Series

Thanks to the movie Subh Mangal Saavdhan the not-so-talked about men’s health issue — sexual performance anxiety — has now become a drawing room conversation. For those who think it is the same as impotence, let me tell you performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction are not the same. While erectile dysfunction is the inability to get an erection, performance anxiety is all about not being able to perform in bed because of anxiety. It usually happens before having sex for the first time and is basically the state of mind a person has at that time. It is a purely psychological issue says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Honorary Professor & HOD, Department of Sexual Medicine, KEM Hospital & G.S. Medical College, Mumbai. Here is what the expert has to say about the causes of sexual performance anxiety.

What causes sexual performance anxiety?

Sexual performance anxiety is nothing but the anxious state of mind and not the body. However as the body follows the mind, which is crippled with anxiety, it affects the performance in bed. Contrary to popular belief, it is not related to age and is just a matter of time before things are sorted. Dr Bhonsle explains that is okay if you are not comfortable and wonder how you can undress in front of the opposite sex and perform after meeting a person for the first time. As 90% of the marriages in India are arranged marriages (although the numbers might have changed a bit in recent times), performance anxiety is commonly seen in India. Not just in a marriage, having sex for the first time with loads of expectations does put pressure on the man affecting the performance. A man may have many worries related to  first-time sex, which leads to performance anxiety. Some of these doubts are:-

• What if I do not get an erection?


• What if I fail to hold it for long enough or ejaculate prematurely?


• What if I take too long to reach an orgasm?


• What if my penis is too small to satisfy my partner?


• What if I do not have a strong erection?


• What if I am huffing and puffing before the woman achieves an orgasm?


• What if I fail to satisfy her in bed, causing the marriage to begin on a bad note?

Despite the movie not showing this, even women go through performance anxiety when it comes to sex. Here are some of her concerns:

• What if it hurts?


• What if I do not enjoy the act?


• What if I can’t cater to my partner’s sexual needs?


• What if I look too fat or too thin (poor body image)?


• What if I am not able to get orgasm at all?

These ‘ifs’ grips many people prior to their first encounter with their partner. But the reality is almost 90% of normal and healthy individuals are unable to have intercourse in the first attempt. So you do not have to worry about it because these concerns will abate over time and you will be able to deal with performance anxiety. Here are 8 tips to beat performance anxiety during sex.

Remember, warns Dr Bhonsle, that you can’t accept a person to win a gold medal in swimming if he gets into the water for the first time!

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It may seem like men get over heartbreaks easily but that is not the case with everyone. Some even end up taking extreme steps like doing drugs. On the other hand of the spectrum, there are these men who know that life does not end with a breakup. We got some real men to tell you what they did to get over a break-up.

I started counting the negatives
‘For every good thing about the relationship that would come in my mind about my, I would start thinking about a negative thing. Eventually, negative things were fresher in my mind. I prevented nostalgia from overtaking me by thinking about the negatives in my relationship’, says Raja.

I deleted her memories
‘I deleted all her pictures from my phone. They were all substituted with bikini pictures of other women. I burned down every bit of her existence and also made sure that I returned all her gifts’, says Joshua. Also, read these 7 books to get over a break-up. 

I found solace in my friends
‘I started having some great time by reconnecting with old friends. I started to socialize and met new people every day. With so many people around me I hardly ever missed my ex’, says Gaurav.

I took up my hobby
‘I started doing things I love. I enrolled myself in a badminton academy and started training and participating in state level badminton competitions. Within months I realized that I had bigger goals in life and such unimportant incidences cannot break me down’, says Aaron. Did you know women recover faster after a break-up? 

I dated my best friend
‘I started dating my best friend. I found peace in her. One day when I was sharing my part of the story to her while taking a stroll on a beach, I realized that my fears of loneliness were unfounded. My best friend stood by me through thick and thin. It’s been eight years, and we are still going strong. I think you need to make mistakes if you want to find the right one for you’, says Chetan.

I took revenge
‘My ex-cheated on me and I had to give her my piece of mind. I shared all our personal pics with her then boyfriend making sure that she was also sailing in the same rough boat as mine’, says Debashish.

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Ranbir Kapoor once confided on Koffee with Karan that he saved the names of girls he was seeing on the side as “Battery Low.” That way, his girlfriend wouldn’t suspect anything if the other girls were to call him when he was out with her. Well, it seems like Ranbir may not be the brightest bulb in Bollywood, but his trick is lame even by industry standards; it’s a wonder that he never got caught. But his revelation pointed towards something really sinister happening in modern relationships today, infidelity.

Let’s face it. Fidelity is not something that is widely seen in modern relationships. Back in the day, stories of cheating would make one gasp in disbelief. But these days, it’s the other way round. We are more surprised to know that someone has never cheated on his or her spouse. Thanks to all the modern technology, tech-savvy cheaters have found more than one ways to hide their cheating from their unsuspecting spouses. Here are some of the ingenious ways in which cheaters fool their spouses all the time. Learn what these cheaters are up to; it will help you stay one step ahead of your cheating spouse.

They hunt under anonymous circumstances

A lot of people have affairs with people from their common social groups like colleagues, friends, and acquaintances. But there is a lot of risks involved in pursuing someone known to both you and your spouse since news can travel pretty fast in same social circles. If things go wrong between you and the person you are cheating with, there is a chance that he or she may inform your spouse about your affair. A Quora user confessed that she met her lover, a married man under anonymous circumstances, away from his usual social circle. That way, she couldn’t be led back to his wife or his acquaintances.

(Read: Why women cheat)

They use a different email id

Many prolific cheaters confess to using a different email id than those they use for personal and official purposes. Their spouses would never find anything on their personal emails because they are unaware about the existence alternate email id. Actress Kangana Ranaut claimed that she used to correspond with a much-married Hrithik using an email id he had made especially for her.

They use an alternate phone number

Here’s what Ranbir Kapoor should have done. He should have gotten himself a new number instead of fooling around with the same number that both his girlfriend and side chick has access to. A person anonymously mentioned on Quora that he used a different number to conduct all his dalliances. He was the one initiating the contact, leaving his side chick to wait patiently for his call. That’s because he would keep that number deactivated whenever he was with his wife.

(Read: 9 reasons cheaters use to justify their cheating)

They use apps

Believe it or not, but there are apps in the market today, helping scums carry out their cheating without arousing suspicion. Tiger Text is one such app used by a serial cheater who for obvious reasons doesn’t wish to divulge his name. “It helps me hide the texts sent by my girlfriend from my wife. It also plays an out-of-service tune in case she tries to call me,” he admits.

They never use plastic money

Debit and credit cards are convenient, but they leave a paper trail. So you can expect a certain death, explaining to your spouse what you were doing at a swanky hotel when you had clearly told her you were doing overtime that day. So an anonymous user on an internet forum suggests that cheaters should always keep some cash handy.

They have a cheating kit

Perhaps the most mind-blowing confession came from an anonymous Quora user who claimed to have invented the “cheat kit.” The cheat kit is a duffel bag in which he carried a concealer stick to hide hickeys, a strong perfume to mask the smell of woman’s perfume and a spare shirt if things got a little out of hand.

They confide in one friend

One cheater admitted to confiding in her friend who would cover up for her. Every time she went out with her lover, she’d say she’s out with her friend. In case the husband calls to crosscheck, the friend would cook up some quick story to convince him.

They only had one affair at a time

“Having too many affairs at the same time can be logistically difficult if you are trying to keep your lovers from each other and all of them from your wife,” says one cheater. “I end things with one girl before I move on to the next.”

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‘It smells like cum in here’ said every couple after a hot romp session in bed. But while you think you are sniffing in sex and everything that has to do with cum what is it that you are exactly smelling? Here’s what makes you smell different after sex according to sexologist Dr V Raina.

Scent of secretions
The vaginal lubrication, the semen and the secretions combine to create that smell between two sweaty bodies. All the lubes and spermicides impart a particular kind of musk.

The combined smell
But since anything that comes out of your vagina is acidic and your semen is alkaline, the two combine to create a scent that is neither like the smell of the vaginal fluid or the sperm. So the smell that you get after every sexcapade depends on the pH levels down there. Your food can alter your pH down there.

Rough sex
You can still expect some smell even if you use a condom. Especially if you have rough sex, you can get micro abrasions in your vagina, which can cause inflammation and things can turn out to be a little smelly.

Bacterial infection
However, if you feel the smell is bad or fishy, you should get checked for a bacterial imbalance down there. Something like a bacterial vaginosis can throw off your pH balance. An infection in his semen may also be to blame for the smell. The smell may also be accompanied by a white cloudy discharge from your vagina.

Bad hygiene habits
If you get a foul smell, it could also be because of bad hygiene habits. So make sure that you and your partner wash your private parts before sex. Frequently washing your vulva and douching can also throw off the smell. Here’s how to clean your vagina for odour-free oral sex. 

STD
And if the after sex smell is bad enough to put you off, it could just be another sign of a sexually transmitted disease such as trichomoniasis. So make sure that you get yourself checked for an STD. Also, note these 6 signs and symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection. 

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We know that men and women orgasm differently. For women, there is a lot happening in the vagina during sex. The vagina or the female genital which is involved in the act of intercourse undergoes a lot of changes during sex to make sex smooth and pleasurable.

Anatomy of a vagina

To know what happens to your vagina during orgasm, it is essential that you understand the anatomy of the organ. The vagina is a long slender tube that runs from the vaginal opening to the cervix. It is lined with soft tissues and is made of stretchy muscles, a reason why the vagina can expand during intercourse and childbirth. The part that is visible to us is the vulva which consists of the labia majora (outer lips), labia minora (inner lips), clitoris, the vestibule of the vagina, bulb of vestibule the two glands of Bartholins. The outer lips of the vagina are usually pigmented, have coarse hair and oil glands and the inner side is usually smooth and hairless. Just beneath the labia majora lies a bundle of erectile tissue called the clitoris. It has a rounded elevation at the tip know as glan clitoridis from where starts the beginning of the folds of labia minora or inner lips of the vagina. Here are six fun facts about vagina that you should know.

The labia minora surrounds the vestibule of the vagina that begins below the clitoris and carries the openings: urethra, vagina the two glands of Bartholins. The urethra opening is small and located closer to the clitoris and below it is the vaginal opening. In case you never had sexual intercourse, the vaginal opening might be covered with a thin membrane called hymen. After the first sexual encounter the hymen breaks. Here are 10 mind blowing facts about the female orgasm.

What happens during orgasm

To have smooth and pleasurable sex, it is necessary that a woman is excited enough to be aroused. Like men, even for women, the process starts in the brain when a stimulus leads to arousal. However, arousing a woman is not that easy, their partners need to put in some effort at times. Clitoral and vaginal stimulation can help one arouse a woman. This is why it is said that foreplay is important for a woman. Another way to arouse a woman is to stimulate her G-spot. It is present on the front wall of the vagina (about half way up the vaginal opening), it is a slightly bumpy region that has a large number of nerve endings, which are sensitive enough to give a woman immense pleasure. Here are six types of orgasm every woman should enjoy.

When a woman is sufficiently aroused the oils glands in the vagina, and the two Bartholin’s glands secrete oils and mucus that lubricates the area for easy penetration. When this happens even the heart rate increases, breathing becomes faster, and there is a sudden gush of blood flowing to the organ. The vagina expands and becomes longer, the outer and inner lip along with the clitoris and breasts swell and the vaginal opening constricts. Internally, even the uterus expands. When intercourse happens, the vaginal walls along with the anus and the uterus contract rhythmically till one climax.

How the brain works during orgasm

During this time the brain releases a lot of chemicals, especially the neurotransmitter dopamine which enhances the feel good factor during sex, and there is a release of oxytocin too that promotes a feeling of closeness and empathy. In women, the brain’s hippocampus and amygdala show decreased activity during sex, areas that are related to fear and anxiety. Also, during an orgasm, the other areas of the brain are less active. This shows that emotions play a pivotal role in a woman’s orgasm.

The climax

During the climax, the blood flow to the vagina ceases and the uterus, clitoris, and vagina return to its normal. Women can orgasm multiple times so a little stimulation after the climax can help one make her arouse all over again.

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Marriage seems to be the one stop solution for all your problems according some wise elders in the Indian society. If your son goes wayward, fix him up with a bride. Marriage will automatically make him more responsible. If your daughter has a mental illness, she won’t need her psychiatric medications after marriage. But what if your marriage is the problem? Then have a baby to save your marriage!

Marriage is tough work. It takes a lot of patience and persistence to tide through the problems of the conjugal life, like adultery, financial upheavals and stress from the extended family. But what is hilarious is the kind of solutions that are traditionally prescribed in India to keep the marriage from crumbling, one of which is having a baby. Women are often advised by their elders to try for a child when the marriage goes through a rough patch. The logic is that having a baby will bring the sparring husband and wife together, and help them bond over taking care of the child again.

Does having a baby help?
Marital woes are complicated and varied. It is naive to expect that a baby will become the panacea for all types of conjugal problems. If anything, the addition of a child to the equation can also burden the parents with the stress of dividing the household chores and taking care of the baby. The added financial burden that comes with the addition of a new member in the household can only make matters worse. Staying up late nights, trying to adjust to the child’s routine can cause sleep deprivation and crankiness.

Studies have also debunked this notion that a baby can save the marriage. They say that a couple’s satisfaction in the marriage can start waning after the first child is born. The relationship between the husband and the wife starts deteriorating following the birth of the child and tends to persist for a few years after the childbirth. It affects both the man and the woman equally.

(Read: 4 lessons about dating a married man from Kangana Ranaut)

Sometimes, it can work
Psychiatrist Dr Avinash Joshi has a different opinion. Speaking in the Indian context, Dr Joshi says, “It is important to talk about why there is an issue between the husband and the wife in the first place. In Indian society, women are under a lot of stress from the in-laws to bear a progeny. Women also have to bear the stigma of being barren or infertile. This can significantly cause stress between the couple. In such situations, having a child will obviously bring the two together.”

In his own experience, he has seen enough instances where the arrival of a little one has significantly improved the marriage. “Once the child is born, both the husband and the wife focus their attention on the newly born child and start neglecting each other’s shortcomings. In our society, the child is given importance over anything else.”
“The arrival of the child can also serve as a stress buster for the entire family. It works as a social lubricant, facilitating positive interaction between families,” says the doctor. Cases, where families have accepted runaway couples after the child is born, are also commonplace in the country.

There is no formula for everlasting conjugal bliss and whether the arrival of a baby will repair your marriage or not is largely debated. Before bringing in a child to your already sour equation, couples should assess their own situation and decide accordingly. Lest the child pays the price of your bad marriage in the future.

References:

Doss, Brian D. et al. “The Effect of the Transition to Parenthood on Relationship Quality: An Eight-Year Prospective Study.” Journal of personality and social psychology 96.3 (2009): 601–619. PMC. Web. 6 Sept. 2017.

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Men often try to write off foreplay as wasted time, but that is likely to frustrate you and her. In fact, foreplay is a prerequisite for her to enjoy a mind-blowing orgasm. However, you must remember that the genitals are off-limits during foreplay. Build up tension by touch the other parts of her body, using your fingers, a feather, a silk scarf, or anything that turns her on. Then ask her to describe how it feels. This act will build the tension until you’re both ready to explode.

Give her a great warm-up: Begin by massaging the length of her legs, from her hips down to her ankles. Then focus on her feet, kneading her heels and all other points beneath. Slowly zero in on the toes and stretch them individually.

Do what you love doing: If you behave as if you are just doing the acts to get to the sex, she is going to notice, and it will take longer for her to respond and get excited. So do what you like to do. If you like to touch her calves, stroke them. If you like her buttocks, kiss it. Your passion is going to get her excited sooner than you realise.

Lick her ear and nape: Licking the ear, and her nape are two tricks that make most women go weak in their knees. Master the skill of using this. If she’s not in a great mood for a steamy session, try these tricks when she is in the kitchen or changing sheets or making the bed. You’ll be surprised at how soon she may pounce on you and get in the act. Also, use your nose to intensify  the pleasure during oral sex.  

Kiss well: Kissing is one of the most important aspects of love making, and you must know how to do it well. Make sure you don’t create too much saliva as that can be a real turn-off. Here are 7 ways to make your woman orgasm without the penis. 

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Erectile dysfunction simply means the inability to have an erection despite having sexual urges. For a man, erection is a result of either physical or mental stimulation that helps him to have sex, precisely enter into the woman’s vagina during intercourse. However, when a man suffers from erectile dysfunction or ED, he fails to attain and maintain an erection. This could cause anxiety, affect the relationship and often make man frustrated. Here are some myths and facts about ED.

In general, when a man is aroused the brain sends signals through a network of nerves to the penis to open its blood vessels to its full capacity. The penis comprises of two columns of tissues called corpus cavernosum which runs along the length of the organ and carries two main arteries. Another column of tissue called corpus spongiosum is placed below the corpus cavernosum and runs along the front part of the penis and has a maze of blood vessels and nerves. The urethra that opens at the tip of the penis runs through corpus spongiosum which expels urine and semen after ejaculation.

Once the brain sends the signals the arteries in the corpus cavernosum opens up and blood flows through the arteries at a faster pace. This compresses the veins and creates pressure on the corpus cavernosum which expands the penis and helps it to attain and maintain an erection. But if this process is disturbed then the penis fails to get an erection. Here are 10 health conditions that can lead to erectile dysfunction.

While the failure of erection can be attributed to various reasons like stress, performance anxiety, being under the influence of alcohol and smoking, if it happens too often it could be a sign of erectile dysfunction. It usually affects men in their 40s and beyond. The most common causes of ED are:

Inadequate blood flow to the penis: This is the most common cause of ED and it can also affect men below 40 years of age. High blood pressure, cholesterol, cardiovascular diseases can make the arteries constricted (even in the penis) which affect blood flow and a man eventually fail to get an erection. Did you know that controlling blood pressure can help fight ED?

Brain fails to give signals: If a man is suffering from conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease this can make it difficult for the brain to send the right signals to the reproductive organs to attain an erection despite sexual urges.

Damaged erectile tissue: If a man has undergone radiation or other surgeries which might have damaged the tissues in the penis, it can also affect erection.

Getting treated

The good news is there are enough treatment options available to treat ED. Medications or at times some lifestyle changes can help to reverse the condition and enjoy a smooth sex life.

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Don’t tell me that after a wild night you haven’t EVER been left with hickeys or love bites on your body. Have you ever been asked about them? Did you ever feel embarrassed?  Here are a few ridiculously foolish excuses people have given for the hickey marks on their body:

Insect bite: This is probably one of the most commonly used excuses. However, it is stupid because everyone knows the difference between an insect bite and a hickey.

Allergy: You want us to believe that you have an allergy, suddenly, that too on a particular part of the body only? Doesn’t is sound bizarre to you too?

Pet scratch: Unless your pet is an ultra romantic, it is not going to give you marks that clearly look like a hickey.

Hurt yourself by something: How does one believe someone who says they just randomly hit a pole or a door edge that hurt them around their neck or boob area?

Burn marks: One can easily distinguish between a burn mark and a hickey. However, even if you are able to sell this to someone, it won’t even take two days for the truth to reveal. A burn mark won’t vanish so soon! (Read: Real men reveal why they prefer having sex with non-virgins)

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