Thanks to the movie Subh Mangal Saavdhan the not-so-talked about men’s health issue — sexual performance anxiety — has now become a drawing room conversation. For those who think it is the same as impotence, let me tell you performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction are not the same. While erectile dysfunction is the inability to get an erection, performance anxiety is all about not being able to perform in bed because of anxiety. It usually happens before having sex for the first time and is basically the state of mind a person has at that time. It is a purely psychological issue says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Honorary Professor & HOD, Department of Sexual Medicine, KEM Hospital & G.S. Medical College, Mumbai. Here is what the expert has to say about the causes of sexual performance anxiety.
What causes sexual performance anxiety?
Sexual performance anxiety is nothing but the anxious state of mind and not the body. However as the body follows the mind, which is crippled with anxiety, it affects the performance in bed. Contrary to popular belief, it is not related to age and is just a matter of time before things are sorted. Dr Bhonsle explains that is okay if you are not comfortable and wonder how you can undress in front of the opposite sex and perform after meeting a person for the first time. As 90% of the marriages in India are arranged marriages (although the numbers might have changed a bit in recent times), performance anxiety is commonly seen in India. Not just in a marriage, having sex for the first time with loads of expectations does put pressure on the man affecting the performance. A man may have many worries related to first-time sex, which leads to performance anxiety. Some of these doubts are:-
- What if I do not get an erection?
- What if I fail to hold it for long enough or ejaculate prematurely?
- What if I take too long to reach an orgasm?
- What if my penis is too small to satisfy my partner?
- What if I do not have a strong erection?
- What if I am huffing and puffing before the woman achieves an orgasm?
- What if I fail to satisfy her in bed, causing the marriage to begin on a bad note?
Despite the movie not showing this, even women go through performance anxiety when it comes to sex. Here are some of her concerns:
- What if it hurts?
- What if I do not enjoy the act?
- What if I can’t cater to my partner’s sexual needs?
- What if I look too fat or too thin (poor body image)?
- What if I am not able to get orgasm at all?
These ‘ifs’ grips many people prior to their first encounter with their partner. But the reality is almost 90% of normal and healthy individuals are unable to have intercourse in the first attempt. So you do not have to worry about it because these concerns will abate over time and you will be able to deal with performance anxiety. Here are 8 tips to beat performance anxiety during sex.
Remember, warns Dr Bhonsle, that you can’t accept a person to win a gold medal in swimming if he gets into the water for the first time!
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